Ladies & gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. This is most embarassing, I seem to have left my car keys in Auckland. We’ll have you back in Melbourne in about 6 hours…
Tag Archives: funny
Flight Home
I never used to have a problem sleeping on night flights, but perhaps being older any disruption of sleep is a bad disruption. Caught up with a few new release films including Tron Legacy on the way back. Really enjoyed it.
The entertainment system had to be rebooted not long after takeoff. It took a good 20+ minutes for the system to come back to life. Still with the restrictions of flight, I ponder at what sort of server would be required to simultaneously provide independent movies, games & other electronic frippery to a couple of hundred customers.
After debarkment, we happened by Highpoint for some lunch and ordered (drumroll) sushi! Normally, we’re very happy with our sushi, but after having the genuine article for 3 weeks Melbourne’s foodcourt sushi was not nice. Too much sauce. Too much salt. Serve sizes wrong. Tastes odd. Oh well, it is a food court.
Hong Kong Day 1
My words of advice to sister Sarah was that the Japanese as a culture are uber-polite and this ill prepares you for the hustle & bustle of Hong Kong, where if you fell over, chances are that you’d get trampled.
I thought I’d use the opportunity to practice my ever rusty Cantonese. There were two unforseen disadvantages of this – firstly my Chinese appearance; which ironically prejudices me in Australia, here the assumption is that I’m a local with all the knowledge, wit & wisdom of one. Secondly by using Cantonese, the locals assume I can fluently speak & understand it, which I don’t.
Whilst waiting for a 7-11 attendant to give me verbal acknowledgement to proceed to the next stage of a purchase, it was gruffly pointed out to me that I was standing around like an idiot and why was I waiting to compelte my transaction. And buying my ever useful Octopus card, I was almost bowled over by an 80 year old because I was holding up the queue (waiting innocently for the sales clerk to becon me).
The Octopus Card is a must have. This stored value card is instant, works at all pocket change stores, can be topped up instantly anywhere, and works instantly on public transport (the future rude shock of return to Melbourne’s Myki awaits).
Golden Pavilion (Kinkaku-ji)
Upon our arrival, we were greeted suprisingly by 4 brash English voices bearing Aussie accents. Civilised colleagues come to experience a different world culture? No, it was (from our estimations), young probably rich kids probably over here on mummy & daddy’s gold credit card and making ar*es of themselves and the country they represented.
Oh f, that was the best f-ing temple I’ve ever f-ing seen in my f-ing life. F mate! F Etcetera F.
We stopped talking amongst ourselves lest they detect our same accents and (godhelpus) strike a conversation.
What I did miss out on was the lifetime opportunity of giving back a little of what lowbrowed whitetrash had imparted on my growing up experience. I completely failed to speak up fully and loudly, and tell those prats to p*ss off back to their own country.
Japanese vending machines (and buses in general)
The Japanese love of the vending machine is legendary. Having endured the start of a very bitter spring there, we came to appreciate the breadth of weird and wonderful beverages of the warm variety, if nothing than to heat one’s hands and temporarily forestall frostbite.
It must come as a shock to Japanese tourists when they visit our shores in Australia. The best we can manage is the 200 varieties of Coke, tooth rotting sports drinks, and calorific crisps and chockies; all mega sized for the voracious sweet toothed Caucasian.
We decided to bus it on our way to visit the Golden Pavilion (Kinkaku-ji). On the map, the route for the particular bus seemed to go from our hotel to the site. What the map didn’t reveal (most likely due to our non-existent Japanese language skills) was the terminus half way between our point-a and point-b!
Moreover, the Japanese system of piling on the bus from the rear entrance and grabbing a ticket/token then paying at the front of the bus when exiting though a good idea generally, falls down in practice when the bus is chockers and one has to plough through many civilised persons to exit the vehicle.
We found buses in Hong Kong (and Australia, to think of it) similiarly perplexing for their mystery value. At lease with trams & trains, you can fairly definitively say where you are going but buses? Who knows? Is the little side street a detour or a destination?
Tokyo 2
Another Japanese city, another camera store! We happened upon the multi-storied Yodabashi Camera in Akiba and spent an hour or so wandering the floors of camera & electronic goodness. At least, Anna & Sarah were wandering; I was on a caffeinated high darting from one display to the next, rapidly calculating conversion rates and excess luggage capacity, and generally trying not to drool on things.
Much like Bic Camera, Yodabashi just blew the mind for its breadth & depth of stuff compared with what gets retailed in Australia. The contrast too of the modern digital age compared with our last trip in 1998 was also apparent.
What was also becomming apparent was the distinct lack of foreigners (white people) in Tokyo itself, most having been evacuated by their respective governments, or concerned parents as the case may be.
A destination visit to the Ginza district was in order to view the Leica Gallery. After a fruitless hour or so of searching (starting to miss my iphone maps functionality) we finally came across the store only to discover that it was closed Mondays. Today was Monday. Curses!
I remember Ginza from our previous trip as having a great buzz which was understandably not there. The mood was similar to Hawaii a few months after September 11; much of the local population still in shock dealing with the new reality.
Teramachi Street & Nishi Market
Whilst more compact than Osaka’s Kuromon Ichiba market, the Nishi market certainly had the variety of sweets, pickles, fresh shaved bonito (which I kept mistakenly called bonobo), and of course mochi. Anna picked up a string of delicious semi-dried persimmon, and I’d managed to find the CD soundtracks for Neon Genesis and Ergo Proxy.
Some interesting warning banners caught my eye:
On Asian toilets
I’ve been to Asia before, so squat toilets are not a novelty. Perhaps stinky, unusal, requiring a lifetime’s coordination, and daunting, but not novel. I’m reminded of a recent trip down the Hume Highway, we made a pit stop at the Benalla BP & McDonalds to fuel, freshen up, & use their conveniences. We had the misfortune to use the toilets 10 minutes after a busload of Chinese tourists had gone through, and other than especially poor aim, I am still trying to picture how people were doing what they were doing as there were footprints on the loo seat.
Puts you right off.
We’d gotten used to the Japanese squat in our Osaka residence with only the mild fear that the door handle of support might snap sending us toppling into mixed company areas. The superb bullet trains also give you a choice of Japanese or Western-style so at least the art of balance at 300km/h is not always required.
The Japanese Bidet was also a revelation, not only for the gentle squirting of cleasing warmed water, nor for the post clean air dry blower, but for the controls. Should you be presented with a toilet seat and electronic controls, on no account should you look down and assume the squirty button is ‘flush’ unless you’d like your face washed. The flush mechanism is usually attached to the cistern.
Convenience stores also tended to have publically usable (usually Western) toilets, and we came across a particularly beautiful one at the Nara museum. We discovered a few weeks later though that the hygiene standards and availability of public Western toilets were not nearly so good in Hong Kong…
Exploring Kyoto
Heading down towards the Kamo River (鴨川), one wonders why in Australia we turn our pretty waterways into big concrete drains. One only need look at what was the Moonee Ponds Creek following the Tulla Freeway to see the attitude. Pretty? Pah! I did hear a farmer on ABC local radio complaining that the recent Australian floods were all due to plants growing in the waterways. Yeesh.
An oddity did occur as we crossed the bridge – a Japanese TV crew wanted to interview us (presumably as to what foreigners were doing in Japan when most expats had been told by their respective governments to flee – one almost expected to be accosted by former PM Rudd with his sleeves rolled up rescuing his Aussie maaates). They only wanted to interview residents, not tourists, so we missed out on our 15 seconds of fame.
The Ponto-cho alleys were historical geisha and entertainment areas. Whilst the alleyways and the restaurants looked nice, the modern iteration seemed to yell tourist trap to me. Apparently they look nice all lit up at night but we didn’t get the chance to return after dark.
Okonomiyaki Night
Walking the Dōtonbori seeking inspiration for dinner this night, we finally decided upon Okonomiyaki (a savoury Japanese cabbage pancake of sorts). We tried this meal years-ago in Sapporo when as unknowing foreigners, we were not quite sure what to do with a plate of raw ingredients and hotplate. The serving staff then graciously tossed everything together & cooked it as we watched.
Being prepared for that, we were not quite prepared for the rather long queue. Or the fact that the outer queue was for the outer waiting seat which itself was a queue for the inner waiting seat (the final queue!). We were also unaware that at this establishment, a press of the table button was what brought the rapid attention of wait staff, as oppossed to them floating & watching.
Travel fatigue started to settle in on an otherwise delicious meal.
